At dinner the other night, a new work friend was asking what pizza I wanted to order. I panicked. Do I tell her I'm a vegan? Do I cave and eat cheese? Do I tell her that I'm having this internal dialogue about my struggles as a vegan? "Since I'm vegetarian during this business trip, I am happy with a veggie pizza." She seemed relieved, "Oh good. At least you're not one of those 'fegans' who brag about being vegan and then turn around and stuff their face with KitKats." "'Fegans?'" "Fake vegans." Crap.
I want to define myself as a vegan and pride myself on being disciplined and determined to help animals, the earth, and my health. Unfortunately, trying to label myself as one thing has actually left me feeling guilty, isolated, and cornered. I have boxed myself into the strict confines of a diet that are unyielding, unconventional, and disciplinary.
GUILT: I feel guilty saying one thing and acting another way. One moment I'm declaring the benefits of being vegan - the next moment I'm eating ice cream. Apparently I feel guiltier about lying to people than I do about eating animal products. But you know what? I'm not completely reckless with my eating decisions. I consciously choose high quality ingredients that are often organic, local, and humane.
ISOLATION: How many vegans do you know? I can think of 1 friend and 1 colleague who consider themselves vegan. Research shows that you're more successful in completing your goal if you have a support group or accountability partner (ie. my cousin Shannon who did the experiment with me). I don't have a vegan friend group. In fact, most of my friends encourage me to eat whatever I want and quit "that vegan nonsense."
CORNERED: When going out to eat, I usually have 2 options that I can order as vegan. My dinner companions sometimes spend extra time researching restaurants to make sure I can eat there. I feel like such an inconvenience and annoyance. While I have vegan tendencies and refuse to cook my own meat, I cannot describe myself as a vegan any longer. By doing so I feel like I'm lying to people and missing out on some pleasures in life.
Vegans do not eat animal products. I occasionally eat animal products. Therefore, I am not vegan.
In rare situations I eat meat. Therefore, I am not even vegetarian.
This I can safely say: I eat a plant-based diet. Therefore, I am flexitarian. (There I go defining myself again!)
While I don't want to completely abandon my healthy eating habits and dive into vats of ice cream, cookie dough batter, and goat cheese, I will make a reasonable effort to eat kindly...
Kind to the environment: local, organic, mostly plants
Kind to animals: free-range, organic, grass-fed, small farms, antibiotic/hormone-free
Kind to my body: organic, antibiotic/hormone-free, mostly plants, minimal intake, less sugar
This "kind eater" is going to learn about balance, pleasure, health, moderation, acceptance, and self-love. Wish me luck!
